THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG DISTANCE LEADER

Most of us who have lead teams, networks and organisations have faced unimaginable complexity over the last 18 months. We’ve had to navigate uncertainty and make decisions based on faith and guesswork. We’ve had to face into multi-layered people issues, pay attention to the well-being of those who work with us and keep our businesses viable and solvent. For many, leading in these circumstances has been a demanding feat of endurance.

There are myriad of studies that have been done into what makes for effective leadership in different contexts.  Alongside this is the ongoing debate of what effective leadership calls for from the leaders themselves. Inevitably, as the world around us changes, so does this checklist of effectiveness and it never seems to get any shorter. It can be hard for leaders to locate themselves authentically in what can seem at best an aspirational set of qualities and characteristics. So, most of us make do and just get on with the job in hand, hoping for the best and often succeeding.  

If you managed to get through all that this pandemic era has brought then well done! Now it’s time to think about you and what you need…  

I have coached leaders now for over twenty years. What I witness over and over again are the hard-to-reach expectations of ourselves that we carry into our leadership roles. The need to be always right, to have all the answers, or to be strong in adversity, having to have almost supernatural foresight of what is to come, being the perfect servant to your organisation and the people within it.  The tried and tested ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ of leadership. It’s a well-used maxim that Leadership can be a lonely place to be. But it doesn’t have to be that way. 

It’s my view that leaders themselves need a safe space to make sense of what they are facing and, crucially, what they might need personally in order to thrive and stay resilient. So, why is it that so many leaders are reluctant to stop, step back from the operational tumult and take time and space for themselves?  

I think there are many reasons for this resistance. The most common that I  encounter are: 

·       If I stop to think and reflect, I might collapse

·       There are things I am facing that it wouldn’t be safe or appropriate to say to anyone else 

·       I’m making it up as I go along, and I don’t want to get ‘found out’  

·       Coaching is for losers, I don’t need help, I am strong and capable 

·       I will make sure everyone else is okay before I get help for myself 

Broadly, the resistance to get help comes from an understandable mixture of what could be described as the perception that getting help is somehow a sign of weakness.  Or  a fear of what might be uncovered if I stop and reflect (and maybe, if I could be so bold, a little personal arrogance about one’s one invincibility!). It’s the living out of the leader as hero myth, so pervasive in our society and so limiting in terms of personal and organisational resilience.  

In my coaching practise I support leaders to let go of some of these unhelpful and personally limiting beliefs - the should’s and ought’s that shackle them into ways of operating that are neither helpful nor sustainable for the future. In pausing to reflect, there is space for challenge. For me challenge creates choice and the possibility of movement to a place where leaders have personal freedom to be themselves within their own particular context. In this confidential, trusting space there is time to become more conscious of one’s choices and to have the courage to face into some of the inevitable leadership ‘blind spots’ we all have.  It’s a space to be truly accountable and to access personal resources, with a powerful ally. Someone who is alongside you and there for you. It might feel like an incredible luxury, especially when the world is so chaotic, but for me, it’s the responsible path for any leader. 

To find out more about our leadership coaching services click HERE. 

Glyn Fussell