The Mirror, Window Door Approach to Feedback
Technique Time:
This simple approach can remind us to move beyond either avoiding feedback altogether or offering feedback that is too interpretive. Remember that our explicit contract and agreement with our clients around feedback and challenge in the coaching relationship is what gives us the mandate. It’s worth making sure this is explicit upfront. Even asking – are you open to feedback and challenge is a good start.
Step 1: The Mirror – offering what you see without overlaying your interpretation
Ask yourself:
"What am I actually seeing, hearing or noticing?"
Offer only observations.
No interpretation.
No diagnosis.
No advice.
Examples:
"You became quieter when you spoke about your manager."
"You smiled while describing a difficult experience."
"You have used the phrase 'I should' several times."
“I notice you arrive at these sessions flustered and late”
"I notice you keep returning to what others think."
The discipline is to stay with observable reality.
Reflection
How difficult is it to stay with observation alone?
How quickly do you want to explain what you think it means?
Step 2: The Window – offering tentative hypotheses
Ask yourself:
"What might this observation help us see?"
Now offer a tentative possibility.
Use language such as:
"I wonder if..."
"Could it be that..."
"I am curious whether..."
"One thought that occurs to me..."
Examples:
"I wonder if becoming quieter signals something important."
"I am curious whether those 'shoulds' create pressure for you."
“I wonder if your arriving late suggests a de prioritisation of your own needs?”
"Could there be a tension between what you want and what others expect?"
The aim here is opening a window onto something the client may not yet have considered.
Reflection
How comfortable are you with offering possibilities rather than conclusions?
Step 3: The Door – opening access to choice, agency and action.
Ask:
"What new choice might now become available?"
Examples:
"What feels important about that?"
"What would change if that were true?"
"What do you want to do with this insight?"
"What conversation might now need to happen?"
The purpose of feedback and challenge is not simply awareness.
It is increased freedom and choice. In essence it’s a way of helping create movement and working with where a client is stuck.
Reflection
How often do you stop at awareness rather than helping a client explore what becomes possible?
Many coaches think feedback requires expertise or authority.
Often the most powerful feedback is much simpler:
Mirror what you notice.
Offer a window into possibility.
Open a door to choice.
When coaches can do this with warmth, curiosity and restraint, feedback becomes less about telling and more about helping people see themselves more clearly.